


This pain could save your life

by FancifulRivers



Category: Death Note
Genre: AU, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet, Complicated Relationships, I mean it exists but Light doesn't write in it, M/M, Nobody Dies, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Death Note isn't really a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 07:25:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4697333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulRivers/pseuds/FancifulRivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sunrise is the last thing he deems beautiful until he sees L. (AU.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	This pain could save your life

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Death Note.
> 
> I got the prompt from otpprompts: "Person A has had a hard life and is planning suicide. They decide to jump off a bridge at dawn so that the last thing they see can be the only thing they deem beautiful. Just before they got on the ledge, Person B walks by asking if they came to watch the sunrise. Person A, not wanting to be stopped by this stranger, says yes, and decides to wait for them to leave. Instead, the two start to get along and go out for breakfast. Over the next few years, Person A starts to get their life back together, and them and Person B become friends-turned-couple, and are happy together. One night a year or two into their romantic relationship, Person A finally reveal what they were really going to do the morning they met. What Person B’s reaction is up to you." 
> 
> Also, Otep's "Invisible" inspired this a bit.

i.

His footsteps echo as he saunters across the bridge. The sun is just starting to come up, washing the skyline in pastels. It's beautiful, and that's exactly why he's here. One last touch of beauty, before he snuffs out the candle of his own eternity.

His parents will be shocked. His sister will be hurt. He cares a bit for the last. Sayu deserves nothing but beauty herself, but he knows he can't provide it anymore. It's better to disillusion her quickly.

Sometimes he wonders if the notebook he watched fall to the ground, the one that read _death note_ , was legitimate. He wonders what he could have done with it. He wonders if you can write your own name in it, and the thought prickles in his chest.

Light takes a deep breath, raising a foot and resting it on the ledge. He just has to over-balance. The last act of letting go, and why is it so hard? He's thought about this for months, planning every detail down to the letter. The rising sun illuminates him, halo-ing him in bright gold like perhaps he's an angel, or a newly fledged god.

Footsteps behind him, and he hesitates, his heart stuttering in his chest.

"Did you come to watch the sunrise?" an interested male voice asks behind him, and he doesn't know what to say.

ii.

He says yes, and he doesn't figure out how he's gone from this to sitting in a cheap diner for breakfast, across the table from a slouched boy with wild dark hair and shadows under his eyes. His feet are tucked up beneath him, he looks like he picked his clothes from a rag bag, and his thumb rests on his bottom lip as he studies Light with bright interest. And he's beautiful. Life burns in him, so vibrantly it makes Light's teeth ache. He doesn't know what he's doing here, ordering tea and toast and talking of sunrises.

The boy's name is Ryuzaki (or so he says, and Light picks up on the note of untruth, though he says nothing), and he's a newly arrived student. He puts too much sugar in his tea and holds the cup gingerly between thumb and fore finger, as if the handle might bite him. Light is fascinated.

"Show me around the city?" Ryuzaki requests, and with a last fleeting glance toward the bridge and his long-awaited destiny (it's ordained, isn't it, and Light knows all about fate), Light agrees. Ryuzaki pops another sugar cube in his mouth and smiles with heart-stopping sweetness.

iii.

One day stretches into two, stretches into three, and before he knows it, more than a week has gone by. He dreams of the bridge every night, but his days are full of Ryuzaki. The man is insatiable, searching every nook and cranny of the school grounds and beyond, and Light is sure that he's shown off every place in the city that sells sweets.

Nothing else changes. He is still invisible, unable to be mediocre under the mantle of perfect grades, but he doesn't mind so much now. He walks everywhere with Ryuzaki, hands slouched in his pockets, talking about everything from the last lecture they shared to the murders scattered across the city. Ryuzaki asks about them, and his father's reactions. He can't bring himself to care. 

Months pass. Light stops dreaming of the bridge, of his last glorious plunge into the depths below, but it's never far from his thoughts. He starts smiling more, though only in the company of Ryuzaki. His father doesn't come home every night. His mother frets. He doesn't care until Ryuzaki misses a day of school.

iv.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," the detective says, for the fifth time, but Light doesn't want to listen anymore. Ryuzaki isn't his real name, Light was right. He is L, he is the world's greatest detective, and the betrayal is a painful, burning knot in the base of his throat.

"Light, damn it," Ryuzaki-L-bursts out, and the man's arms circle around him, pulling him closer, and he doesn't want to admit the tears prickling the corners of his eyes, but they fall anyway. L's fingers brush at his cheekbones like birds.

"I'm sorry," Ryuzaki repeats, and Light just sags into his embrace. He feels so damn tired. 

"When are you going back to England?" Light asks instead, his heart pounding with the sound of the water crashing against the bridge supports. Ryuzaki tilts his head, eyes dark with confusion.

"I'm not," L says calmly. "Not unless you want to come with me."

v.

They get a place together a few months later. It's cramped and the roof is a bit leaky, but it's theirs. Light continues his schoolwork and Ryuzaki does too, albeit in a more haphazard way. Being the three greatest detectives in the world is draining, L tells him, but he doesn't mind, now that he holds that secret tight. Their bedroom window overlooks the water, welcomes the sunrise, and it's been a year, Light realizes one morning, as he wakes up, rubbing sleep from his eyes and reaching for L, right beside him. He doesn't know why he speaks up, but it feels right to keep talking.

"Remember when we met?" he asks casually, sensing more than seeing the nod. "You asked if I was there to see the sunrise. I was. But it was more than that-"

"You were going to jump off the bridge," L says in a monotone and Light twists around, mouth gaping in shock. "You had one foot on the support and it was obvious even to the untrained eye that you were thinking of falling off," L adds. "Why do you think I spoke up?"

"So all this was," Light can't finish the thought. Doesn't want to finish it. The idea that this has all been some twisted form of charity is sickening.

"Of course not," Ryuzaki says sharply. "Taking you out to breakfast was an attempt at distracting you, yes. Nothing else was. I got to know  _you_ , and I liked who you were, Light Yagami."

"Oh," Light subsides, blushing crimson as morning light starts to seep through their window.

"I'm glad that you're still here," Ryuzaki says, pulling him closer, snuggling him tight. He's silent, watching the sunrise.


End file.
